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The White Peacock

by pierre foreau

"Artistic experience lies so incredibly close to that of sex, to its pain and desire, that the two manifestations are indeed but different forms of the same yearning and delight." Rilke

A rare bird among rare birds, the white peacock became for Charles Griffes the symbol of his own doubly unique position as an American composer and as a homosexual in America. In those early decades of the twentieth century, not only was the position of the homosexual unrecognized and unaccepted in the United States, that of the American composer was almost equally so. Against these odds, Charles Tomlinson Griffes fought valiantly the short battle of his life, leaving behind him not only a handful of music masterpieces that rank among America's finest, but also the record of a purposeful and courageous life.

Young Charles was early aware of his difference from other boys. His love for music was at first a separating factor, cutting him off from those he longed to be with. Victim of that monstrous lie that music, the most masculine of the arts, was a thing for girls, he was forced to learn piano at a women's school in Elmira. His rapid progress and outstanding skill at the piano, however, soon became a source of contact with boys and men. At the Y. M. C. A. he was invited to perform, and soon was accompanying group

singing, playing for choruses and visiting soloists. So great was his need to be with boys, that though his home contained two pianos, he chose to practice on a public instrument at the Y, and his favorite hour was the time when players were coming and going from their games. Here the one who could not compete with his own sex in other fields, could win their admiration for his excellence in mu-

sic.

Whether an experience with an older man at this stage brought enlightenment or only further mystification to the bewildered boy is uncertain. There was no one to whom he could turn even for normal guidance in those days of sex-taboo, and Charles realized that his was a special case. A quality of uncertainty about the boy conveyed itself to some of his elders, though they were powerless to help him. Where music was concerned, however, Charles carried the day with aplomb and confidence.

Another convention of the American music world of that day turned out to be a blessing for the young fledgling artist. European training was considered absolutely essential for the American musician. Thus it came